


The Devil's In The Details

by CalamityK



Series: The Damn In Damnation [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angels, Crack, Devils, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Hell, Humor, I Don't Even Know, I mean I do know, M/M, Otabek has a clipboard, SO MUCH HUMOR, Victor has a tail, Yurio sheds, Yuuri is scared, also craigslist is pretty sketchy, because I wrote it, comedic religious content, the one human, this is some sort of blasphemy, try not to take offense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 14:07:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12608324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalamityK/pseuds/CalamityK
Summary: This is the absolute last time Yuuri answers an ad on craigslist while trying to find a fake date for something. It’s also the first time he’s answered an ad on craigslist, but that’s beside the point since he’snevergoing to do it again.-------------Or, that fic where one simple click lands Yuuri in the last place he'd ever expect. Hell.





	The Devil's In The Details

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BoxWineConfessions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoxWineConfessions/gifts).



> This is a rewrite of an old fic of mine, but much much better. So don't panic if you've read it before, I only plagiarized myself.
> 
> I apologize for no part of this, nor the rest of the series that will come after. It's written to be crack, that later on gets a little serious. (And yes i get the irony of posting this two days AFTER halloween. Im slow leave me be)
> 
> This wouldn't be posted without the help of my ever-wonderful, truly too good for this world, beta [@gutgemacht](http://gutgemacht.tumblr.com/)
> 
> And this fic is also a gift for the lovely Sarah because shes a good cat friend who writes insanely good fics of her own that I read over and over when I need inspiration to work on my own shit. So here Sarah, have my fics dedicated to you as payment, even if they're sort of just crappy crack filled jokes.

_ “When you're in hell, only a devil can point the way out.”  _

― Joe Abercrombie, Half a King

\-----------------------

The man standing in front of Yuuri is possibly the most attractive man he’s ever seen. From his striking blue eyes to his long silver hair, every part of him radiates an aura of ethereal beauty. So ethereal, that Yuuri would believe him to be an angel,  _ if _  he couldn’t see the pointy red tail that keeps slinking in and out of view.

 

This is the absolute last time Yuuri answers an ad on craigslist while trying to find a fake date for something. It’s also the first time he’s answered an ad on craigslist, but that’s beside the point since he’s never going to do it again.

 

_ M. 28-ish, and devilishly handsome. Likes dogs (poodles make shockingly good hellhounds). Enjoys cuddling by large fires, and indulging in sin (sometimes these coincide). Seeking young, versatile partner, with an air of innocence (I’ve dealt with a lot of guilty people in my profession). Brunettes preferred but all are welcome. _

 

Yuuri assumed some of it was written with a bit of humor, like most ads, but it’s very misleading when the person posting it fails to mention they have a tail and may  _ actually _ be Satan. Even the Russian accent feels like a lie at this point.

 

“You’re talking out loud, you know.” Satan kindly points out, while pouting. “And I really wish you would call me Victor.” 

 

“Sorry.” Yuuri clears his throat and stills where he’s sitting, which just happens to be on a large--and horrendously tacky in his private opinion--flame patterned sofa-seat. “It’s just… I think we are  _ literally _ in hell right now and you want me to call you  _ Victor _ ?” 

 

His disbelief currently knows no bounds. 

 

“Well I can’t have you running around my house calling me Satan!” Victor says, looking more than a little distressed. 

 

Which, Yuuri thinks, is totally unfair given the apparent circumstances.  _ He’s _ the one that should-- and probably does-- look distressed.

 

“Your Swiss maid literally called you Master Satan barely five minutes ago, right before he  _ disappeared through a portal. _ ” He feels like he’s using the correct amount of emphasis to convey his feelings, but his English is a bit rusty so he keeps repeating himself in Japanese. 

 

Victor Satan just runs a hand over his face and heaves a forlorn sigh. 

 

“Chris isn’t my maid! He’s just mean!” He says, “And can you please stop saying everything in two different languages. I know both! See! I’ve been using English!” 

 

“Whatever you say,  _ Master Satan _ .” Yuuri drawls. His hidden rebellious streak is starting to come out, and it’s probably horrible timing. What’s that old saying, ‘don’t poke a devil’ or something? But he can’t help it. He’s  _ anxious _ .

 

“ _ Careful _ .” Victor warns, but it sounds strangled as he tugs firmly on the jacket of his black suit. The material hugs neatly to every curve and muscle of his body, making him look more fit than he probably is. Not that Yuuri has any intention of finding out how fit Satan is. 

 

He kind of wishes he’d paid more attention to Christianity when he studied abroad last term. He’s sure there’s something, in some kind of bible somewhere, that would tell him what to do right now, or how to escape.

 

Suddenly, Victor’s eyes narrow, like he knows exactly what Yuuri is thinking. Or like he just formed some kind of devilish idea, but before Yuuri gets to find out, a whirling iridescent portal pops into existence between them. 

 

It’s the same swirling blacks and greens as the portal the Swiss man escaped through earlier, and probably the same as the one Yuuri himself was brought here by. For a brief moment Yuuri considers jumping through in case it’s a means of escape, but that moment is interrupted almost immediately by the portal spitting out someone new.

 

And Yuuri has to reach up and adjust his glasses, because the blonde-haired, green-eyed, and absolutely  _ pissed-off _ looking boy that’s now in front of him has giant--and rather fluffy--white  _ wings  _ sprouting out the back of his absolutely shredded tank top. 

 

It has to say something about Yuuri’s current mental state that he isn’t even surprised; doesn’t even flinch. After the initial absolute breakdown he had from being sucked from his bedroom while still in his underwear, and then transplanted smack in the middle of Satan’s bedchamber, he feels like he’s taking it all in stride. 

 

Winged boy, who Yuuri assumes is some kind of angel even though he looks like some kind of punk era, genderbent Victoria’s Secret model, looks between Yuuri and Victor before snarling something in incoherent Russian. 

 

“This better be good, Victor.” He switches to English, and practically glares back down at Yuuri. “I don’t like getting sucked down here every time you have a problem with some two-bit  _ piggy _ .” 

 

“Yuriooooo!” Victor croons, plopping down in a plush red chair that conveniently appears beneath him. “This is Yuuri! He answered  _ the _ ad.” Victor pauses and looks thoughtful for a second. “Well,  _ my  _ ad, I guess. That one Georgi dared me place when we got drunk last weekend.” 

 

The angel--Yurio--looks between Yuuri and Victor one more time, then promptly bursts out in ugly laughter. The kind of laughter that sounds like honking if you don’t listen too closely, and his pristine wings fold up and quake with it. Subsequently, several hundred feathers seem to shake loose, and Yuuri watches wide-eyed and alarmed once more, as they begin flying around the room like giant snowflakes. A stray one comes toward his face, and he dodges it in fear. 

 

“Really?!” Yuri wheezes, clutching at his chest. “This  _ piggy _ …” He points firmly at Yuuri, then at Victor, “and  _ you _ .” Then he doubles over once more. 

 

Yuuri isn’t getting the joke, and pinches himself to make sure this still isn’t just a nightmare, before looking over at Victor for some kind of clue. Victor meets his gaze and rolls his eyes. Feathers are sticking haphazardly out of his hair, and coating his suit, there’s even one sticking straight up from the back of his head. 

 

Yuuri would find it...well... _ cute _ , if he weren’t confused and  _ in hell _ . 

“Yurio!” Victor barks, waving a hand in front of his face to clear the air. “Yurio you’re shedding, can you  _ please _ stop!?” 

 

Yurio straightens his back, but doesn’t cease his laughter. 

 

“ _ Unbelievable _ .” He says, a bit breathless, before snapping his fingers three times harshly, and doubling back over. “Beka you’ve gotta see this.” 

 

The portal that’s still open above them starts whirling again, and a considerably better dressed-- but equally punk-looking--angel, with a leather jacket and  _ even larger _ wings, slides through it holding a clipboard.

 

As soon as his feet touch the floor he’s stoically surveying the room. He nods once at Victor in an apparent ‘hello,’ but quickly switches to shooting a worried glance at Yurio who is still quaking and shedding feathers like a snow storm. 

 

It takes a few moments for his eyes to land on Yuuri through the fluff, but when they do they widen considerably.

 

“ _ Victor, _ ” angel number two grits out; frantically beginning to flip pages on his clipboard before finding the one he’s searching for and running a finger down it. “Why is Katsuki Yuuri in hell? He’s not supposed to be dead for at least another seven days.” 

 

_ Now _ , Yuuri may be taking everything in stride,  _ but that statement hits sort of like a cement block _ . Barrelling right past his comprehension and straight into his chest, feeling like it takes the pit of his stomach with it somehow, and causing him to gasp rather sharply. 

 

Which in turn, causes him to inhale of Yurio’s many feathers that are still artfully floating about the place. He clutches at his throat and wheezes, glasses tumbling down his nose and lungs immediately starting to burn for air. 

 

Victor sighs and gets up from his seat rather calmly, feathers all falling from him gracefully as he walks over to Yuuri, firmly grips his face between his--unsurprisingly-- warm palms, and forces Yuuri to look him in dead in the eyes. 

 

“I’m terribly sorry about this, Yuuri,” Victor says, his tail coming to stroke under Yuuri’s chin, “but I just got you, and barring what Otabek just said about seven days, I don’t want to see you die.” 

 

Yuuri can’t breathe, so of course he can’t respond with anything but retching and gagging. 

 

Victor doesn’t seem to mind, as  _ he sticks his tail _ in Yuuri’s gaping mouth and right on down his throat. 

 

There’s a sudden added sensation of wriggling that accompanies the choking and Yuuri would really like to faint, or vomit, or both. Thankfully Victor pulls his tail back out before he does either. Then he uses his hands to put Yuuri’s glasses in their proper place, and through choking induced tears, Yuuri can see Victor’s tail up close, Yurio’s feather wrapped tightly in the end of it. 

 

Yuuri gags again on impulse, gulping in a fresh breath after it, and sagging back into the sofa-seat. There’s a few frantic moments before his breathing goes semi-right and feeling eases back into his limbs, but as soon as it does he’s leaping up in a panic. 

 

“What do you mean I’m not supposed to be dead yet?! I’m not dead!” He pauses, looking straight at Victor. 

 

Victor shakes his head.

 

“Then what do you _ mean _ ?!” He shrieks, this time directly at Otabek causing him to shrink back a bit.  _ This has to be a bad dream _ , Yuuri thinks,  _ because it just keeps getting worse. _

 

Yurio is the angel who answers, finally ending his long laughter. “It means you came a week early.” 

 

“Doesn’t look like anyone has  _ come _ at all.” Adds a voice from the doorway, and Yuuri jerks around to see the Swiss man from earlier leaned against the door frame, eating a banana. “It’s been six hours since he answered Victor’s little advertisement, I figured at least  _ one _ of them would have gotten naked by now. After all, the prophecies promised me something about  _ both  _ of them getting naked,  _ together _ .”

 

Victor shrieks, “For god’s sakes, Chris!” at the same time Yuuri flails his arms and shouts, “What does  _ that _ mean?!?” 

 

Chris takes a lingering bite of the banana and winks. “I’m sure you’ll find out.” 

 

Yuuri clutches his own cheeks in desperation and addresses the room. 

 

“I want to go home!” Then with all the panic in his body. “I don’t want to die!” 

 

He feels a hand on his shoulder and peeks around his fingers to see Otabek guiding him back into the chair.

 

“I think you should sit down.” He coaxes. “And try to breathe through your nose.” 

 

Yuuri blinks up at him, doing as he says, but his brain is still whirring in hyperspeed and it's only a matter of seconds before words come pouring out of his mouth. 

 

“I’m supposed to die!” He waves his arms around wildly, “And you’re angels, and he’s Satan, and he’s,” he points at Chris but can’t come up with an answer so he just drops his arm and pinches himself again, “This is a dream. This is all just a dream and I’m going to wake up tomorrow and laugh, and not drink water that’s been sitting on my dresser for three weeks before falling asleep ever again. And I’m going to stay off of craigslist.” 

 

They’re all just staring at him as he huffs in a huge breath to keep from hyperventilating. If this  _ isn’t _ a dream, he could really use a paper bag right now.

 

Chris comes further into the room, tilting his banana at the angels a bit threateningly. “What’s this about  _ death _ . The prophecies only told me about the  _ sex _ .”

 

Otabek just holds out his clipboard for Chris to examine, still staring worriedly at Yuuri. 

 

Who must get visibly more distressed, because Victor stops looking at him and swiftly yanks the clipboard straight from Otabek’s grip, almost smashing Yurio in the face with the upswing. “Let me see this.” 

 

He stalks over to the sofa-seat and squishes himself down beside Yuuri. 

 

“Hmm.” He hums, tail whipping in the air as he quickly skims down the page. “Katsuki Yuuri, age 24, no major indiscretions, no arrest record, lives with his family,” Yuuri can feel himself blush and his breath somehow gets more uneven as Victor continues reading aloud, “likes dogs, decent academic talents, and is scheduled to die a week from today because he…” 

 

Victor trails off, eyes narrowing in a way that looks truly evil as he glares up at the angels, and snaps his fingers. With a loud snap that makes Yuuri jump, the clipboard is banished from existence. 

 

“Interesting.” Victor says, a dangerous edge to his voice. “ _ That’s _ how he’s supposed to die?”

 

Yuuri tenses up, he really would like to know what victor just read, but every part of him is screaming not to ask. Victor must feel him tense, because his tail snakes around Yuuri’s waist and tugs him closer to his side. Yuuri’s sure it's meant to be comforting, but it falls a little short given the situation and the fact that  _ it’s a tail. _

 

Otabek shifts uncomfortably under Victor’s gaze, and Yurio crosses his arms in a defiant stance.

 

“Oh,” Chris smirks, finishing his banana, “I think I see a plan forming.”

 

Victor directs his withering glare to him too. 

 

It’s the first time this whole night, Yuuri thinks, that Victor really looks like he could be from hell. Then Yuuri curses and recurses his intrusive thoughts, because...really… _ it's kind of hot _ . Or it would be, if he weren’t still freaking out. 

 

He realizes he’s lost track of the situation when Victor’s hand on his chin suddenly brings him back to focus. It’s the same warm touch as a few minutes ago, forcing him to look into piercing blue eyes. 

 

“So, Katsuki Yuuri,” Victor purrs, and  _ yep _ , he’s definitely Satan, “tell me exactly what you were looking for when you answered my personal ad.”

 

Yuuri swallows.  _ That’s a good question. _

 

“I uh,” Yuuri searches his brain for words that make sense, “I need a date to a family friend’s wedding next week.” He tries to clear his throat from the vice grip his nerves have on it. “Your ad sounded like someone I’d…um,” Victor’s tail tightens its hold as he hesitates, “like someone  I’d actually like to take on a date?” 

 

He lets the words tumble out in a rush, then winces. He’s tempted to shut his eyes because Victor is entirely too close, and Yuuri is still entirely too unfocused, but he keeps looking into Victor’s eyes.

 

Victor releases his chin, and a slow grin slides across his features. “Well then, Yuuri, I’m afraid I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first.” 

 

“Bad news.” He chooses automatically. His mother always tells him it hurts less to get the bad news first.  _ Here’s to hoping she’s right.  _

 

“Fair choice.” Victor says lightly. “You’re not going to die next week, but what does happen, is most  _ definitely  _ going to hurt.” 

 

“If i’m not going to die,” Yuuri draws his eyebrows together in confusion, “then what’s the good news?”

 

“You, Yuuri,” Victor’s grin turns predatory as he leans closer to Yuuri, “ _ officially _ have a date with the devil.”  

 

When Yuuri faints, no one there really holds it against him.

 

**_Fin._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Hell kids. (Ba Dum Tss)  
>   
> Yell at me in the comments, or scream pure delight over at [Kingotabek](http://kingotabek.tumblr.com/)


End file.
